Esther Annie May Walker Tolman, my mother, was one of the most wonderful women who ever walked this earth. She was born to Ernest Guy Walker (1876-1953) and Esther Hannah Hollands (1881-1958) on June 2, 1904 in Oshkosh, Winnebago, Wisconsin. She had two sisters, Gladys Estelle (1903-1970) and Lynda Faye (1914-1993) and one brother Ansel Aaron (1917-2003).. She was friend to all and loved and cared for her husband, Lewis Owen Tolman (1903-1980), and her 7 children, Ronald Owen (1921-2012), Ernest Guy (1923-1942), Byron (1924-1961), Barbara Jane (1926-1998) , Lewis, Jr. (1927-1981), Emerson Odell (1929-1987) and June (me). She was always going above and beyond the call of duty when it came to serving others either in or outside the family.
My mother was raised mostly in Leola, Adams County, Wisconsin. From the age of 12 she worked for a very wealthy farmer and his wife…in the fields. She drove two draft horses, Molly and Doc that she grew to love, and they in turn loved her which was evident as they yielded to her commands making her work easier and faster. She plowed the farmer’s fields and did the work of a man. In fact, the farmer told her she was the best hired “man” he ever had. The farmer and his wife wanted to adopt mother so they could give her opportunities that their money would provide. Of course, she wasn’t interested in this, nor would her parents allow an adoption.
My father, Lewis Owen Tolman was a wonderful, hard-working, salt-of-the-earth kind of man who taught his family the value of work by example. He was born on November 11, 1903 in Marion, Cassia County, Idaho to Owen Joshua Tolman (1880-1954), and Sarah Baskerville Alexander (1883-1913) who died at the age of 30. This was so sad since my dad was only 10 years old and never had the loving care, discipline, and guidance of a wonderful mother. Grandpa Owen was a sheepherder and so he “farmed out” my dad, uncle Emerson Alexander (1905-1991), aunt Mary Cyndona (1908-1997), Winona (1911-1997) and aunt Sarah Alexander Tolman (1913-1997) to any relative willing to take them in. My dad was the only one that no one wanted – he was shuttled from one relative to another, never experiencing the greatest of family life. He was considered the “black sheep” of the family…I do think he was a bit of a trouble maker, strong-willed, and probably did not want to be where he was…no doubt missing his mother. Because of his treatment from his dad who always favored Emerson, and the girls, he never really was active in the LDS faith, unless forced to go at early age with whomever he was living at the time.
Probably around 1918 or 1919, My dad, Lewis, and his father, Owen, temporarily moved to Wisconsin to graze their sheep (due to the fact that sheep were getting goiter in Idaho and sheepherders were losing their flocks)… it was near the Walkers where they chose to graze their sheep. I noticed in the 1920 Pelican, Oneida, Wisconsin Census in the home of Ernest Walker lived a “lodger” who was Owen Tolman…I had forgotten that they did rent from the Walkers. In a short time, Lewis and Annie fell in love. Mother always told the story of how Lewis would get her in a pen and not let her out until she kissed him. These kisses led to marriage after the Walkers and Tolmans had returned to Idaho. Mother and dad were married in Marion, Cassia County, Idaho in November 18, 1920, where they lived most of their life. In time, they all moved to Burley, Cassia County, Idaho where I was born in 1937. It has been good over the years to share June birthdays with my mom mine being June 1st and hers the 2nd.
Mother and dad always worked side by side in the fields with their children…hoeing beets, picking potatoes, haying or whatever was happening at the time. When she would work in the hay fields, she would leave the field early so she could help prepare dinner for all the people who were working in the hay fields. My father never owned a farm, but always helped manage the field work because farmers came to him since he had hard-working kids who could really outwork any man in the Oakley Basin. They were in big demand all around the Magic Valley Area.
I remember mother telling me about one time when they were haying for a farmer near Sun Valley, Idaho. She was coming from town; she was pregnant, and going down a dirt road. Somehow she rolled the car, got bruises, cuts and was shaken up. She kept crying and crying uncontrollably, sitting alongside the car, mostly because she had lost her glasses. She really was near-sighted and could barely see without her glasses — she passed these genes on to me, and I’ve had a tough time with my eyes, until contac lenses were invented. A farmer finally came by and got her back to dad and the boys in the field, and that same evening she went on to help prepare dinner for the haying crew….the man who came by found her glasses quite a ways from the wrecked car, and they were not broken so this made mother very happy. She was bruised and very sore for quite some time. Those were the days of no seat belts. It was a miracle she was not killed, She probably was not going too fast. I think there was a deep barrow pit and she got too close to the edge and the car literally tipped over.
My mother picked potatoes as fast as any man, and she taught each of us kids the “fine art” of “pickin spuds”. My father Lewis worked a lot with his dad with the sheep, cutting wood, fishing and hunting. He lost and earned money by gambling (which was illegal in Idaho) so we never went without…He also drank and worked in Pool Halls, and night clubs over the years, and I never could understand how my dear mom could put up with him. She would say – “Someday you will understand when you love a man and your children as much as I do.”
Before I was born, Mother told me if my dad ended up in jail, she would march her 6 barefoot kids to the judge, and tell him the court would have to support these kids and her if he didn’t let my dad out of jail. She always got him out. In fact, she became friends with Judge Tucker.
My mom was no timid woman, and was always in her kids business even after they were grown and married. She always had to know what was going on. This was both a good thing and a bad thing…sort of a two edged sword. Not many people knew this about my mom, but she could “stir the pot” – like giving her opinion on how things should be run in Tolman Floor Company.
I always felt my mother was indeed a pioneer…she washed clothes for the whole family on a rub board, milked as many as 10 head of cows often by herself if dad wasn’t around. Had to cook on a coal or wood stove, drew water from a well, heated bath water with tub filled with water sitting in the sun, boiling some water and adding it to the tub. When boys got bigger they helped mother with the milking, feeding chickens, etc., probably not without a lot of trouble…then again, maybe not a lot of trouble…
she was a good disciplinarian in those days. When I came along, she was probably tired, and I was spoiled rotten. Hate to admit this, but it was true. She truly had her hands full with my brothers. They were always getting in trouble and everyone knew the Tolman boys. They would catch carp, a trash fish, and sell them to the lady of the house telling her they were trout; always doing things like this. Mother always laughed when she told me the story about Ronald (who was a mama’s boy and truly loved her deeply) At this time she was pregnant, they were living up in the Oakley Basin in a basement house. Mom was out hanging clothes on the clothes line. Ronald got mad at her and told her….”I’m mad at you! I’m leaving home, and I set your curtains on fire first!!! “ Of course, she had to drop everything and go put out the curtains that he really did set on fire.
People always blamed the Tolman boys for everything, and most of the time, they were probably right. They would take fresh cow manure and put it in a paper sack , set the sack on fire, knock on the person’s door and run as fast as they could. Person came out, stomped the bag and what a mess!!!!
Living in the Oakley Basin was rough on my mother…she was not a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints at the time, and people ostracized her…they were not nice to “outsiders”. It is a wonder that in time, she was converted and joined the Church. She made sure her kids were all baptized. The only really active ones in our family while I was growing up was me and my brother Byron. There were a lot of good people in the Burley 3rd Ward who saw to it that we went to church, primary, and MIA. I loved the gospel and so did Byron at an early age.
It was during the depression when times were so hard that my dad and grandpa Owen would go up in the mountains to cut a load of wood , but really to “poach” a deer or two. They bartered wood and meat for things they maybe did not grow – sugar, honey, flour, and things like this. Also their hunting and fishing kept a lot of their friends from starving. Venison was always available as I was growing up. In later years, of course they got permits to hunt. I remember their slaughtering deer and covering with a tarp and snow, then putting it on our roof in the very cold of winter. One time after they had loaded two big bucks in their horse drawn wagon; they covered them, and stacked a whole big load of fire wood on top. As they were coming down the mountain, the Game Warden stopped them, and said, “Lewis, I know you’ve got a deer under that wood.” My dad, Said, “And you had better be prepared to unload and re- load every single log back where you got it if you’d like to look.” The Warden just waved them on. My dad was a good bluffer – even when he played poker…Must have learned it from lying to the Game Warden.
My father wrote a lot of his life stories, and I will have to find them among my files and try to get them into Family Search. We have a situation where we are double related….my grandpa Owen married my mother’s sister, Gladys. They had 5 children, Matt Aaron Tolman (1922-1993), He was very close to my mother and our family – like a brother. My mother was nursing Ronald, and Gladys got typhoid fever. Matt was just a baby, and so mother nursed both boys. Ron and Matt were the best of friends all their lives. My husband and I spent a lot of time on vacation staying with Uncle Matt and Aunt Marion in Burley, Idaho. He teased me unmercifully over the years and always tried to embarrass me in front of family and friends…in fact, he was rather crude of speech, cussing, etc…..but of all people to ask, Aunt Marion asked me to give the key address at his funeral. He loved me even though he made fun of me, derided me for being a Mormon, He had a great disdain for Mormons. Then they had the twins, Joyce Faye (1924-1998) and Esther May (1924-2004). These girls spoiled me rotten since I was the “baby” of the family. They took me to San Francisco when Matt was stationed there in the army and bought me my first little two wheeled bicycle. I really loved them. Then they had Richard Odell Tolman (1927) who died shortly after birth. Then Walker was born and is still living. We have been so close to him over the years as well.
When my mom and dad moved to the town of Burley, they lived on Albion Street near the water tank. My dad was working in road construction, and mother always worked in cafes. She started at the Burley Greyhound Bus Station café, and it was here she taught my sister, Barbara, her nieces, May and Faye (twins) to be good waitresses. My mother could add a string of numbers faster than you could blink an eye. She loved math and helped me a lot with my homework. She also was a cook at Boyd’s Café…she was a great cook and very well known for her cakes, pies and homemade bread at home and at work. I’ve never seen anyone move as quickly as my mom who was a large woman and she was a great multi-tasker . I loved watching her take orders from the waitresses and get every order right. Great memory!
She always was battling weight. Usually up around 200 lbs. or more. I think a café is not the best place to work if you are prone to weight problems. My mom would even work until she was several months along in her pregnancies. Since she had cooked so much for her large family and haying crews, she was a natural at cooking. Several people wanted to hire her. She worked the longest at Nelson Café. For a while, she owned her own café near the Burley Flour Mill. Around 1940 the folks moved to a log home at 510 Oakley Avenue (across the tracks). Now, the tracks divided the “haves” from the “have-nots”. It definitely was the poorer side of Burley. We were definitely the more affluent among our neighbors. We even got the first indoor plumbing. It was at this home that I remember my Grandpa Ernie coming to live with us. Grandpa always smoked a pipe, cussed like a sailor (was not LDS). It is no wonder that at an early age I learned to cuss like the best of them. I learned to cut hair by cutting his. He was bald on top, but had hair around the bottom. My mother took care of him all my life growing up. He took care of me at nights when mother worked in the cafes.
My Aunt Lynda was a “Lady of the night”, and Grandma traveled everywhere with her like a gypsy – just went off and left poor Grandpa Ernie. When they ran out of money or were sick they’d come to mother to take care of them. My Grandpa would keep a few dollars out for pipe tobacco, etc. and send all his checks to Grandma wherever they were (I always felt she did not deserve his hard-earned money). They lived in California a number of years.
Grandpa Ernie worked for Lyle Whittle Stock Yards in Burley for many years. We always had a big cattle truck parked in front of our house, and it did stink!! It had wood side boards. I remember that I used to love to play in it….guess my nose got used to the smell. He would take me to the feed lot in the evenings when he had to “slop the pigs”, feed the cows, or whatever chore he had to do. I loved the chance to go with him even though it was a stinky job. I especially loved to see baby pigs. He fed he pigs a lot of sugar beet pulp which was the sourest and the foulest smell on earth.
Very few people had cars. During World War II, Ronald sent money home from the Army, and my folks bought their first car. He would play poker in the Philippine Islands, and he always had big winnings and nowhere to spend it in the different Pacific Islands where he was stationed… so he sent it home to the folks to save some for him and to buy them a car. He sent beautiful seashells, hula skirts, and other memorabilia for me since I always took dance lessons. We had one beautiful white hula skirt made from parachutes which the natives shredded, twisted and made into beautiful skirts….The natives sold these to the G.I.’s. The waist band was encrusted with beautiful sea shells. It really had such an unbearable stench. Mother hung it out on our line to air out, and someone stole it in broad daylight. We were so sad about this.
At this time, my dad either ran a pool hall; was a partner in Blue Lakes Night Club, and gambled big time even though it was against the law in Idaho. Since my father drank, smoked, gambled in my teen years, I must admit, I did not like him. I was ashamed of what he was. My mother was ashamed, and for this reason did not go to church very often. It was not uncommon for him to come home with a wad of $100 bills and try to give me one, and my mom would quickly snatch it away from me.
My mother never gave up on anything, and would not allow me to do so. She could not carry a tune in a bucket, but she loved music. She insisted that Dad buy her a player piano, the kind that had paper music rolls that you inserted on the roller, then pump those foot pedals and beautiful music came out. A lot of hours were spent around this piano. A lot of family members liked to sing. Especially my dad, his sister, Aunt Mary, and her son, Paul Montgomery who even today has the most beautiful voice, and I never tired of hearing him. It sure was easier to play a player piano than to actually play it myself. It is a wonder that I ever learned to play anything. When I wanted to quit playing the piano, mother started taking piano lessons from my teacher and threatened to pass me up to get me to practice. It worked! I was not bound to let her pass me up. My mother made sure I had the privilege of taking dance lessons also from the age of 4 up through high school. She encouraged me in everything; school, music, dance, church. She also wanted me to know the value of work, and she certainly set the example.
Mother loved animals so very much. She had a beautiful golden cocker spaniel, named Queen, and the dog thought she was a queen. I loved that dog so much and she was great company to me especially when my mom worked nights at the café. But….she really was my mom’s dog, and when mom was home, Queen was by her at all times. One day, I was playing in a trailer that had a tongue on it. I’d run from end to end and it would fly up and down. One time, Queen got under the tongue as I ran down to the end, and it came down on her and crushed her. She died instantly. I ran for Grandpa Ernie. He confirmed she was dead, and He and I cried…he got a tarp to cover her until mother could come home and decide where Grandpa was to bury her. My mother was heart-broken, but never blamed me nor was angry with me, because she knew I was so devastated by the event. We grieved for that wonderful companion for some time, and we never got another dog after that, much to my dismay.
Mother also had chickens (free range) and two bantam roosters who hated me. Every time I’d go out to the outdoor toilet, they would peck my legs and fly up hitting me with their wings. I hated to make that trip alone. She finally got rid of them, because they got tired of going to the outhouse with me. My mother could wring a chicken’s neck with the flick of her wrist and off would come its head. Oh what a terrible thing to watch. I hated it when she was going to cook chicken, because it meant that I had to help remove the chicken feathers after she poured boiling hot water over the chicken which made plucking the feathers easier. To this day I still remember how bad the smell of a freshly killed chicken and wet chicken feathers smelled… Sickening to say the least! I’ll bet a lot of people would not eat a chicken if they had to go through this ordeal. And…this was the “good old days”?
She had a crazy Jersey cow she named Blossom…because she ate every blossom she could find, especially clover and our flowers in the flower bed. My Aunt Gladys gave me some hen and chicken succulents, and I was so proud of them….well, Blossom got out of pen and ate every one of them. She was adept at opening her corral gate. When my mother would pick beans and peas from the garden, she liked to shell them sitting on her lawn swing under the trees. Blossom would get out of the corral, come mooing at mother. Mother would often lay her peas aside and Blossom would lie in front of her with her head in mother’s lap. Neighbors could not believe their eyes. It was a sight to behold for sure. I hated it because that silly cow would chew her cud, and her slimy mouth and nose (not to mention the smell) ….ooooh…. I didn’t like to be around it, but my mom loved it. She would pet and sweet talk that silly cow. When it came time for milking, all this paid big dividends for mom. She would take two buckets out to milk. She never had to hobble her, but if anyone else milked, they’d better hobble Blossom or she’d kick them or kick the bucket. Mom always washed her udder with warm water which Blossom probably liked. When daddy or Grandpa Ernie milked they were rough and never got a full bucket. After I learned to milk, I never could get more than l/2 bucket. Danged if I was going to let that cow put her head in my lap for more milk. Mother taught me to churn our own butter from all that cream we got from the milk. There is no fonder memory of my mother than when she baked fresh homemade bread, and we would slather it with the butter we had churned. Yum!
Mother loved to ride horses. We both did.
One of the pictures I put in Family Search is of her in overalls on a pinto. We were always able to ride Nick Funk’s horses. Since we did not own any horses, and Nick did, he would let us borrow them any time we wanted. My dad worked for him at the Pool Hall.
My mother had very fine straight black hair which she permed. She always wished I had been born with red hair. Since I was not a redhead, when I was 5, she and Aunt Mary put a henna pack on my hair. They continued to play their game of pinochle and forgot to time my hair. It turned the brightest orange and all my brothers hated to take me anywhere because of it, but mother thought I was so beautiful. Her entire life, she would comment on any red head she saw and say how much she loved it. She could not color her hair because it was black naturally.
My brother, Guy married Camille James December 2, 1941. He had been plagued with terrible headaches and just never felt very well. Mother said he always had dizzy spells and had a very hard time working. His looks were deceiving. He was 6’2” tall, weighed 210 lbs. and wore a size 14 shoe which was almost non-existent at that time. People thought he was lazy, but my loving, caring mother knew there was something terribly wrong with him. She took him to every doctor in Burley, Twin Falls and finally to Salt Lake City, Utah where the doctors told my mother he had terminal cancer throughout his entire body. Dr. Harrell was the best brain surgeon in the west and he operated on him. They discovered just how extensive the cancer was and left part of his skull open for the tumor on the brain to expand and sent him home to die. Mother, Camille and friends helped to care for him for the next four or five months, and it must have been terrible on them. He lost down to 80 lbs. and my brother, Ronald said he looked like a prisoner of war with very large bones and a bit of skin stretched over them. Ronald was with him when he passed away…it was so painful for all the family who loved him so much. Ronald was especially close to him – not only brothers, but best of friends.
Guy never lived to see his son, Royce Odell Tolman who was born after he died. He died July 8, 1942. Royce was born in October. I’m grateful for the progress in cancer treatment, but it is still such a devastating illness
I helped my mother bury 4 of her 7 children, and no mother should have to go through this. Parents are supposed to die before their children.
My brother, Byron, had a very bad heart from rheumatic fever as a child, and my folks were told that he could no longer take the severe Idaho winters , and they needed to get him to a warmer climate and lower altitude. My mother’s brother, Ansel, owned the Imperial Polishing Floor Company in Dallas, and he wanted to expand his business . My dad took a lot of his gambling earnings and bought a partnership in Imperial Polishing Company for my brothers, Byron and Junior, then Ronald joined them when he got home from the war. They did a lot of commercial and residential floor waxing using a heated wax- buffer machine. After some time, my Uncle Ansel embezzled from the company and nearly ruined the business. My brothers started up Tolman Floor Company at 510 Fitzhugh Street in Dallas where they were in business for many years. Odell eventually joined them in the business. I have a letter my dad wrote to my mother in 1947 when he made a trip to Dallas to check up on his Investment and see how things were going. I will try to figure out how to scan and get it into Family Search at end of this story. It is in his own handwriting.
I mentioned my dad’s bad habits, and when I was in high school, my mother told him she would leave him when I got out of Burley High School if he did not change his ways. Well he believed this threat and he quit smoking, drinking, gambling, etc., and moved to Dallas in 1952 to go into business with his sons, Ronald, Byron, Junior and Odell. My dad labored right along with his sons, changed his ways, became very active in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. My dad worked the rest of his life trying to make up to all of us for his wasted years. He became a great High Priest in the church and was blessed with the gift of healing. He was a righteous man when he died on Easter morning in 1980
Mother and I joined my dad in Dallas in 1953. What a happy reunion to see my dad a changed man and loving the Lord and his family more than ever. Life was good, and I, personally, was so very proud of the new Lewis Tolman. My mother was a cook at Mt. Auburn School as pastry chef for several years in East Dallas. It was nothing for her to make maybe 30 cakes and/or pies in a day. She loved doing this.
In 1954, my sister-in-law, LaVonne, got me a blind date with a young man who worked with her at Republic National Life Insurance Company. I didn’t care for him, because he was a little too “fast” for this little Burley, Idaho gal. My mother fell in love with him and they instantly bonded. She would have died had I not fallen in love with him. She really wanted me to marry him. She said he was perfect. All the time we were married, she took his side in everything. ..much to my dismay. She was a great judge of character, and as of this writing, we have been married over 60 years. What inspiration my dear mom had, because she always said we belonged together. We definitely did, and have been so grateful that we have each other with whom to grow old.
The year 1959 was the best of times and the worst of times. Our son, Randy was born which was the best of times. Then the worst of times…My parents purchased a new Nash Rambler and decided to return to Idaho on vacation. My sister-in-law, Gwen Arthur Tolman, wanted her son Larry (my parent’s eldest grandchild) to go with them to visit his Grandpa and Grandma Arthur.
Larry went with them. On the way back, there was a terrible torrential rain storm near Perry, Oklahoma. A man and his wife had just purchased a new car in Texas, and she was driving it back to Oklahoma which was their home. She was driving the front car and her husband followed very close behind her. They were in a flash flood, the road was a raging river. My mother stuck her head out the window to try to see the edge of the road so my dad would not go off the road. The Woman sideswiped my dad, water covered the vehicles completely, and then the man hit them head on. The front of the car was rumpled like an accordion. My mother was thrown out of the car and it was a blessing that she did not drown, Larry was sitting in the middle front seat, his neck was broken and he died instantly. Daddy’s hip, legs, feet were severely broken. Mother’s false teeth had broken In her mouth and they had to probe in her face to remove the teeth that shot like bullets . It cut her tongue almost off; left it barely hanging by a bit of flesh. When the doctor arrived in the ambulance, he had a time trying to keep mother from choking on all the blood and holding her tongue so they did not lose it. It took several hours to get my dad and Larry out of the car. Mother’s hip and other bones, mainly facial bones were all broken. When the State Police notified us, we had to take Odell and Gwen’s car, because ours was in the repair shop. They knew Larry was dead, and they felt I should be with mother. We had a lot of quick decisions to make. We had to take our sons, Mark, nearly age 2, and Randy who was only 2-1/2 months old to my husband’s parents. This alone was devastating to us but we had no choice. When we arrived, we could not believe what we found. My mother’s face had no shape, and it laid back against her neck – a lot of facial bones were broken.
We asked if there were any Mormon Missionaries in the area so they could come give her a blessing, but they said they had been run out of Perry two months earlier and the nearest church was 60 miles away at Oklahoma City. We got hold of a Bishop and two Elders came and gave them a blessing.
A real blessing was that the McBride Bone & Joint Hospital was in Oklahoma City, and was among the foremost hospitals in the Southwest who rebuilt bones and joints. Of course, this is what my folks needed at this time. The doctors told us that mother probably would not make it through the night, but after the blessing she rallied a bit.
Her face was not the face of my dear mother, and I remember how scared I was to look at her, but I sat by her side all the time. Her hair was all matted with choke cherry juice and honey they brought from Idaho and they did not clean this up for days. Mother’s blood pressure was so very low and she was so near death – they felt they must get her to Oklahoma City as soon as possible so they loaded her in an ambulance. They let me ride in the ambulance with her. Along the way the ambulance hit a bump in the road, and at this point her blood pressure started rising and the doctor who was with us said this was a good sign and that she just might make it. Another ambulance transported my dad. I scanned a picture of their wrecked vehicle into Family Search to show the severity of the crash.
It took many months and years of rehabilitation. Six months in the hospital in Oklahoma meant that someone in the family made the trip from Dallas to Oklahoma City every weekend to check up on them. We got them transferred to Methodist Hospital in Oak Cliff suburb of Dallas. It took all of the family members giving them daily physical therapy to pull them through this horrible ordeal. Their hospital stay was over a year. Many blessings and spiritual experiences were a result of this terrible accident. They were confined to wheelchairs for the rest of their life. Daddy, however, finally could get around on Crutches, but mother could not. She was so independent and such a fighter that her being able to take care of her and Daddy while in a wheelchair was really something to witness.
Odell and Gwen prepared a bedroom in their home on Wayne Street for mom and dad to come live with them. All of us would take turns going over to give them physical therapy for a very long time. They eventually moved into a mobile home and took care of each other – rather difficult with two wheel chairs. In 1976,
Buck and I decided to build a home out on Lake Ray Hubbard where Ron and Fern had already built, and where we had purchased land a few years previous. I acted as general contractor using our Bishop, Clive Moon’s builder’s license. Buck designed our home so that there would be an apartment at the back connected to our utility room. He felt we should ask my folks if they would like to come live with us if we built this house. It was about 3000 sq. ft. They cried and cried since they were in their 70’s and it was getting harder for them to care for each other, always being afraid of falling and injuring either or both. I wish you could have experienced their excitement as we planned, and built it. It took 3 months. Every day they would ask – Is it ready yet? Will it be soon? We would finally take them out to the lake so they could see the progress. They were afraid they might not live long enough to move into it, but we kept assuring them they would live with us a long time. It was like a child at Christmas anticipating the “Big Event”.
As it happened, my dad lived with us 4 years before he died, and Mother lived with us over 15 years before she passed away . Those were wonderful times having them in our home. Mother would have dinner cooked for us when we would get home from work. She and Daddy loved to play cards, especially Rummy in the evenings. We spent a lot of time with them playing different kinds of games. They loved Pinochle, but Buck and I never learned how to play it so they settled on whatever we knew how to play. It was a great time for them to have our company and to know that we’d be there for them when they needed us. They were so relieved and no longer scared of problems associated with being crippled and aging at the same time. Bathing was a big challenge. We had a special roll-in shower with a rolling shower chair which made it far easier on them. We were in this home on Lake Ray Hubbard when our oldest son, Mark, left on his mission to Japan in 1977.
April, 1980 – another worst of times and the best of times. My beloved father, Lewis Owen Tolman, was in Baylor Hospital dying from congestive heart failure on April 9th, and it happened to be Easter morning. I got up each morning around 5:00 Am, got ready to go to work, drove in from the lake, to go to the hospital to bathe and care for my dad (something he had asked me to do). I was alone with him, and leaned over to kiss him and told him how very much he was loved by all of us. My mom could not make the trip to the hospital, because it would have been too hard on her, and she kept thinking my dad would be coming home soon. He had an oxygen mask, and when I told him I loved him so very much, he rallied enough to reply…”Love… you… too.” I told him it was Easter, the day we commemorate the resurrection of our Lord and Savior, and he squeezed my hand. He then died. This was so very hard to watch his labored and final breath. Of course, I was sobbing when my brother, Odell, and his daughter, Lorale, came to the hospital about 5 minutes after he died. I was glad they were with me. Oh how I hated to go home and tell my mother that he would not be coming home to her. She could hardly forgive herself for not being there.
The best of times portion of this particular month of April was that we had to be in Salt Lake City to witness our son, Mark and Kathy’s wedding in the Salt Lake Temple on April 18, 1980. This was such a happy time. We were able to get my father’s funeral taken care of before going to Utah which lightened our load considerably.
I’d like to relate a very special experience. Elder Loren Dunn of the Seventy came to Dallas, Texas to speak in conference. He asked our Stake President if there was a shut-in that would like a visit from him. Dr. Larry Gibbons was our Stake President at the time (later became a Seventy himself), and he said that a wonderful sister, named Annie Tolman, lived quite a distance out on Lake Ray Hubbard, and she would certainly welcome a visit from a General Authority. They were concerned that he might not be able to make his plane if he made the trip out there. Our Bishop, Dr. Lynn Tenney, lived about 3 miles from us, and he said he would drive him out. This experience is forever etched in my mind. He blessed my mother, and told her, “Your husband will come to take you through the veil, in the not too distant future.” Mother really held on to these words…. for several years. ..In fact, it took my dad 11 years and couple months to come for her…She would constantly say to me, “What is Lewis doing?” ….and “What is… “In the-not- too distant future?” She was, indeed, ready to join my father much sooner than she did.
Elder Dunn went on to bless our home. It reminded us of a temple dedicatory prayer. He said that people who would visit this home would feel the Holy Spirit in abundance, because of the righteousness of those who lived here.
II finally sold Tolman Building Maintenance, Inc., where I was President so that I could spend time taking care of mother. She was bedridden for 18 months before she died. We spent a lot of precious time together. I put a recliner in her room so I could be near her. We read the scriptures, especially those that say we must “Endure to the End”. It was difficult for her, and she was so ready to get on with her eternal journey. We cried a lot, prayed, and sang a lot of hymns. Some nights there was very little sleep for either of us.
During this time, our friend Linda McCauley, knew brother Michael Ballam from Logan, Utah. He had the lead role in the musical operetta, The Merry Widow at the State Fair Music Hal in Dallas. He has the most beautiful operatic voice. He came to our home to “serenade” mother. I had a keyboard, brought it into her bedroom, and there she had a command performance from this wonderful man. It was a thrilling experience for mother and I for sure. What a blessing this visit was for all of us. I prepared lunch for him, and it was great having him in our home. As stated, I spent many nights at my mother’s bedside. We sang “I am a child of God” a whole lot mainly because mother liked it, and she knew most of the words.
On the night, before my mom died the next morning, I told her my body was aching from being in that recliner so long, and I had to go stretch out in bed beside Buck, because I was totally worn out. I told her I would set the alarm and be back very soon. Well, I woke up with a start about an hour later around 4:00 A.M., woke up Buck and went in to be with mother. She told Buck that she would be leaving us by 6:00 A.M.
We called Randy and Jodi who were living in Ron and Fern’s House on the lake next to us since they were travelling full time in their R.V. We then called Mark and the visiting nurse, because we knew she was definitely dying. Then a very big surprise as we were all gathered around her bed….She said, “I would like to offer a prayer”….since my mother was rather timid about praying in front of anyone, and this was a bit out of character for her to volunteer. It definitely took each of us by surprise. She had prayed often, but not like this. She thanked Heavenly Father for Buck and June who let her live in their home for so many years, for their loving care. She asked for future blessings to be with us and for the Lord to look after us throughout the remainder of our lives. She then blessed Mark, Randy and their families. I wished that we had recorded this beautiful prayer for posterity. I’m totally overcome with emotion when I think of this wonderful experience. This special, noble daughter of Heavenly Father finally joined my father at almost 6:00 A.M. on June 11, 1991 as she told Buck she would. She was 87, and had lived a very full life. She found the “Not too distant future!” As we mourned , we also had to rejoice over the thought of her being reunited with the love of her life…. my Father, Lewis Owen Tolman.
I want to share an experience that really brought the blessing pronounced on our home by Elder Loren Dunn of the Seventy to fruition. When we put our home up for sale and planned to move to Colorado after mother’s death, a wonderful woman of faith (Pentecostal) said she was led to our home by the Holy Spirit since they were looking to buy a home in the country. She asked if she could come in and look at the house. I told her yes, and when she came in she said, “Oh, I truly feel the Holy Spirit in this home. Could I bring my husband to look at the house and see what he feels.” Of course, I said yes. These people purchased our home, and we were ready for retirement.
I hope that this life story will imbue the posterity of Lewis and Annie Tolman with the desire to follow their example. They both had a strong testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ. They loved the Lord with all their heart, loved each other and family more than words can express. They were content in knowing that “Families are Forever” and looked forward to being reunited with their loved ones who had gone on before them, and those who would follow. What a privilege it is to be their daughter!
June McCullough, October 2014
Visit FamilySearch to learn more about Lewis Owen Tolman and Esther Annie May Walker. Also visit the Thomas Tolman Family Organization to find out how you can get more involved in family history.