(Talk given by John O. Tolman at William’s funeral).
This is the hardest assignment my Dad ever gave me.
I told my brothers and sisters many times they had it easy growing up because I was the oldest and Dad did all the experimenting on me; by the time they came along he was a master at whatever he did.
I loved my father. He was the greatest man I have ever known. I have never met a man who had so much love for people. He was the hugginest and kissinest man I have ever known, and most of you out there know that. He walked with the high and the low, the mighty, the meek. He associated with the rich, the poor—always felt comfortable in any situation—always made you feel like the equal brother, the equal sister when you were with him. He loved everyone who came into his presence. And he loved his family the most, his sweetheart, his children, his grandchildren, his cousins, his associates in whatever profession he was engaged in, his seminary students. Never have I known a man that had greater love than he.
He was a goer. He was a doer. My father could squeeze more into twenty-four hours than anyone I have ever known.
When I was young living on the ranch about 4:30 he would say: “Rise and shine, my son; put on your beautiful garments. It is time to go to work.” At 4:30 in the morning, I said: “My goodness, Dad, can’t you wait another couple of hours.” “Rise and shine!” How many times we have heard that. He said: “Son, let me give you the three words of success. They are Work, Work, Work.” And how he applied that in his life.
My father looked beyond what most of us see when we see an individual. He always looked for the best in those he associated with, never looked at their weaknesses. He always saw more potential there I think than what they saw. In my case he always introduced me as the “block off the old chip, the block off the old chip.” I am sure many of you have heard that. If that is true, he was the biggest chip of granite I have ever seen, and I was a small block that has come off that mountain of granite.
I am so grateful I was sent to my earthly parents. My heavenly parents must have known I would be a rebellious spirit and decided to send me to a father and mother who would have great discernment and understanding and love and patience. I know I caused my father heartache, at times disappointment, adversity in his life. He never gave up on me. He always thought the highest of me. Always gave me encouragement and always his great example. I could do nothing in my growing up years that would bring shame upon my mother’s and father’s name. That is how much love and respect I had for them.
I remember my senior year in high school I was so out of touch with spiritual things. It is ironic that today I am a seminary teacher when I didn’t take seminary as a youth. I later asked my mother and father: “Mother and Father, how come you didn’t encourage me to take seminary?” My mother and father said: “Son, we got on our knees. We pleaded, we begged, we threathened. We did everything we knew within the power of human reason and ability to get you to go to seminary, but you were too closed-minded. You were too excited about school politics, and being popular and girl friends and athletics that you didn’t listen.”
I will never forget. I was going steady with this girl that I thought a great deal of. I thought someday I would marry her. One night on a date she said: “I’m going to join the Methodist Church.” She had a girl friend who was in the Methodist Church. Even though I wasn’t into things very heavily spiritually at the time that really upset me to think that she would join the Methodist Church. That night I got home from the date, and I went and pulled my Dad out of bed. I said: “Dad, all my life you have taught me that this is the only true Church upon the face of the earth. Dad, how do you know it is the true church? I’ve heard that all my life. How do you know?” So Dad proceeded to tell me how he knew. We sat down. He gave me, I guess, all the missionary discussions in one evening. When Mother got up the next morning, we were still there at the kitchen table discussing the gospel of Jesus Christ, and a spark was lit in my life. My Dad said: “Son, if you really want to know for yourself then read the Book of Mormon and then put Moroni’s promise to a test.” School was soon out and I wondered to myself: “Well, where do you go from here?” And so I began to read the Book of Mormon. I read it within a week. Sometimes I would wake up in the middle of the night and get up and read. I would fall asleep at night reading the Book of Mormon. I was so hungry for a testimony that I read that great book. Then I did what my father said, I put Moroni’s promise to a test and a short time later a sure testimony came. The still small voice whispered: “It’s true! This is the true church. Joseph Smith was a prophet of God. He lives. His only begotten Son came here upon the earth and sacrificed his life for us. It is true.” I felt like an angel. I was ready to go and declare the glad tidings of the gospel.
I went with my Father to one of the General Authorities and we asked if a special dispensation could be passed and I be allowed to go on a mission at the age of 18. The General Authority said: “We appreciate your enthusiasm, but you will have to wait until you are twenty. We are in the Korean War and the government will not allow missionaries to go until they are twenty years old.” And so I had to wait.
I went away to BYU. My mother and father corresponded with me. It was always great to get letters from them, especially from my father. He would always address those letters: “My dear son John”. It was always great to get a letter from Dad. It was always great at Christmas time to get a book from my parents. My father would always put an inscription in there. “My dear son John”. He would give admonition and praise and love and affection. Yesterday I took down one of those books and read some of those wonderful things that my father wrote to me.
I returned home and tried to work before going on my mission. We were building a new chapel. It was November in Idaho Falls and we just had the sub-roof on this chapel. Since I was helping the family with their obligation to help build that chapel, I decided to donate my time and effort the last six weeks before my mission call. It was my responsibility to go onto the sub-roof and sweep the frost off. This one morning I was up there sweeping frost off this three story building towards the back of the building, and I slipped and fell and began to slide. There was a two by four nailed on the outside and I hit the two by four going quite fast and the wind carried me over and I fell thirty-five feet head first. I lit between two stacks of cinder blocks on the frozen ground.
The next thing I remember was I was in the hospital semiconscious. My parents had been notified. The bishop had been notified. A good friend of the family, Brother Anderson, had come. My parents told me my body was broken. I had severe neck and spinal injuries. I would probably never walk again. I remember my dad coming in. I remember crying out to him: “Oh, Dad, now I can’t go on a mission.” My father was beside himself. He didn’t know what to say or do. He finally said: “Son, would you like the bishop and Brother Anderson to administer to you?” I said: “No, Dad, I want you to pray for me.” I had such great confidence in my father. A miracle was wrought in my behalf under his healing influence, and I walked out of that hospital four days later and six months later I was on a mission. I am so grateful for my dad. He was my idol, my model. I tried to follow him. It was an experience, an education just to be around him. When my father decided he wanted to do something, there was nothing that could stop him from accomplishing or doing that which he desired.
I dug ditches, tossed hay and milked cows and ground, I don’t know how many thousand pounds of hamburger, when Father was a rancher and in the meat business. What glorious days those were. He taught us children the principle of work.
The thing that was more important to my father than anything else, than any calling or any other responsibility, was that of father and husband. Long before President Lee said: “A man’s greatest work will be accomplished within the walls of his home.” My father was about that business.
Home to me is a place of happiness and peace and refuge and laughter, father and mother, brothers and sisters, wonderful holidays. Christmas was just a delight in that home and always has been. One of Dad’s greatest thrills was to have over forty stockings along the mantle of the fireplace. He took great delight in having a stocking that was especially made by my sweet and wonderful mother for each member of the family for each grandchild. What a treat it was no matter where we were, living in California or Washington or Idaho to come home, come home for Christmas and be there with Mother and Dad and brothers and sisters and cousins. Oh, what a wonderful experience that was on those occasions.
He loved his family. He loved his grandchildren. He was so proud of them. He would have been so proud today as they got up and sang that beautiful song. He looked forward to his grandsons all going on missions. My oldest son, Steve, has been the first to go and has returned and Father was so looking forward to those who will go in the next year and others that will follow them. What a great giant. What a great example he has been.
My father’s life was not a life without much suffering, physical at times. I remember while I was on my mission he had a kidney stone at the time. He wrote me a letter. It was an eight or nine page letter, and he explained the terrible pain he went through on that occasion. He wondered at the time why a person would suffer so much pain. And then he said he began to realize that it helped him appreciate the suffering and the pain our Elder Brother must have gone through in Gethsemane.
My father was a men who lifted so many others. In that same letter he wrote this: “The night before I went to the hospital I called my ward teacher to come and administer to me along with a high priest who was a close friend. This ward teacher was a prince of a fellow. He had never administered to anyone. I told him I wanted him anyway, and he was helped through the anointing by the high priest. The spirit was wonderful. I went to sleep that night at 10:00 and slept until 6:00 the next morning which I had not been able to do for two weeks, and the pain the following day going to Salt Lake was practically nothing. What a glorious thing is the power of the priesthood.”
My father called many men in capacity of bishop, men who were even inactive in the Church. He saw in them great potential that only he could see through the power of discernment and these men responded to his call and to his love and many of them came into activity.
I have met people all over the Church, and as I have introduced myself they would say: “By the way, do you know William Tolman?” and with great pride I would say: “Yes, I know him very well. He’s my father.” “Oh, what a wonderful man. I have never met a more wonderful man than your father.” This coming from seminary students or from business associates or from cousins throughout the world or from those who have taken a class from him in genealogy or Book of Mormon or whatever.
I am grateful my father no longer has to suffer the frailties of our mortal body. It bothered him. It was difficult for him these last few years. All of you know that. Whenever he gave a talk you know how fiery that sermon always was. He was the only man I knew who could make an hour talk in genealogy make you excited and want to go out and start doing something about it. These last years were difficult for Father because of the weaknesses and frailties of the human body at times that keep us from doing all the things we want to do.
I love my mother. I have never seen anyone care for a man like my mother has for my father. I went to the hospital several times and she was always there. She would sleep there, live there. I don’t know what my dad would have done without my mother these last years. Many times he expressed to me in conversation how much he loved my mother. What a wonderful sweetheart. My dad couldn’t have done the things he did without my mother. And I was there Wednesday night and Mother went over to Dad. He was sleeping and kissed him and whispered: “Good night Sweetheart.” And my father answered: “Goodnight Sweetheart.”
A noble son has gone home. A priestly patriarch. Oh, what a great reunion he must be having. I can hear him: “Rise and shine, relatives, it is time to get on with it.” Now he is in a place where he is not confined by the physical. He can work twenty-four hours a day like he always wanted to, always did. What a reunion. My brothers and sisters, what a great legacy he has left us.
I hope and pray we will not let him down. One of my cousins asked the other night at the viewing: “I wonder if he is up there looking down at the scene and all the relatives who have come and paid their respects and so forth, and I wonder if he is saying: ‘I wonder if they are going to do anything now that I am gone.” It really broke me up. Brothers and Sisters, we can’t let him down. We must go on.
He has left us an example and legacy that if we will follow that good example we will have the privilege and blessing to be with him again and all the loves ones, grandpa and grandma, Judson, Cyrus and Benjamin, and Thomas. My goodness, what a reunion he must be having. He knew all those people. He made them live in our hearts. He could tell you no matter what relative you were where you belonged. I know he is up there organizing and carrying the work forth there. I pledge my effort to help continue his work. I know, in fact, he spoke to me several times saying: “When I go, I want you to carry on as the patriarch of the family. You will have to step in my shoes and be a father to your brothers and sisters, a brother, a counselor. Encourage them to do the things I have taught you to do.”
Brothers and Sisters, I know the gospel is true. I know my father is where he belongs today. We are the ones who are sad and will carry the sorrow and the bitterness of his parting, but where he is is a place where our Heavenly Parents have called him to continue on this glorious work. May we not fall short. May we do all we can to live the gospel and keep the commandments. He would echo what President Kimball has said: Do it. Do it now. Keep the commandments, lengthen your stride, follow the prophet. I have heard him say that so many times. Follow the living prophet and you will never go astray.
In closing, my good wife a while back said: “Dear, you become more like your father every day.” I can think of no greater compliment.
I love my mother and father. I love my father more than any man I have ever known. I admire and revere him. I honor his name. I hope that I can so live to go into that heavenly mansion I know that he is about preparing for his sweetheart and his children and grandchildren and all his cousins and relatives and friends. I know he is up there about our business, doing those things for us that he did for us here.
May we honor his name and do all we can to keep the commandments and live the gospel and prepare for that great reunion that will come for each and every one of us. I humbly pray. In the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
(Contributed by the Thomas Tolman Family Organization. Excerpt from William Odell Tolman: Patriarch, Genealogist, Teacher compiled by Loraine Tolman Pace, First Edition, 2009, page 528-533).
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